Happy, Shiny People

My wife adopted a new mission this past year (which she works on every day) and about once a week she sets off to devote an entire afternoon to it.  On those days I don't wish her the usual "Have a good day", but something else.  I'm going to change one word of that wish to make it more universal.

I say "Go make Happy People!".  And she does, she talks to people, and listens to people, and helps them learn the tools they need to make their own lives happier.  It's hard work, on both sides, and both are often more content at the end of the conversation than before.  Sometimes it doesn't work that way, and they walk away sad, or angry.  But, so far, they learn things, and practice things, and before long, they are happier people.

This is a big leap, since my wife has spent much of her life doing something that sounds similar, but is fundamentally different.  She would "Go Make People Happy!".   She still does that in her job in the service industry.

Making people happy seems to involve indulging them, spoiling them, granting them their wishes.  Of course, there are limits, and sometimes you have to draw them.  Those boundaries often come as a complete surprise to the customer, since they have had free rein up to this point.  Sometimes, people walk away UNhappy even though they have received excellent service, just because they have demanded something ridiculous.

I've done the same thing in my life, with lesser success.  I've gone to great lengths to "make people happy", so that they like me but also so they leave me alone to do what I want.  I've indulged people beyond reasonable limits.  I've built resentment while doing it, so, while "making people happy", I have made myself unhappy.  Then I try to make myself happy with indulgence too.  At this point I am filled with resentment and guilt, and my "customers" are disappointed.  Who's happy?

Good parents learn the difference between making their children happy and making happy children very early.  A happy household relies on trust and respect, not trips to Disney or the latest toy.  If I had raised young children I might have learned to be a good parent, which would have brought me closer to understanding than I am now.  I'm still learning, and still making some progress.

Good relationships between peers are the same way, except that one should not expect to be able to (or want to!) mold another as a parent molds a child.  If you foster consistency and trust with your peers, they will eventually achieve their own growth, their own happiness. 

You will help each other Make Happy People.